More Relationships: Weaker Relationships?

(photo by Keoni Cabral)

In her YouTube video "‪Ease Of Losing Community Trust‬",  Nancy White says

"I think when we have relationships based on content its easier to ignore them… the relationship is around an issue, its not an enduring bond.  The relationship comes and goes very freely.  There are times when we that's what we need, and times in our lives when we also need a persistent conversation that keeps going even when its rough…. And I wonder about that balance in this world: Are we going to deepen relationships in the network as we figure out how to do that?"

The video was recorded in 2009.  If I could have a conversation with Ms White today, I would ask her what she's learned about encouraging more persistent relationships and conversations in the online network.

Its become conventional wisdom that online communication produces a life filled with more shallow relationships than in the pre-internet world.  So much so that a Pew Center survey in 2010 seemed quite impressed with its result that as many as 85% of people surveyed agreed with the statement "In 2020, when I look at the big picture and consider my personal friendships, marriage and other relationships, I see that the internet has mostly been a positive force on my social world. And this will only grow more true in the future."

And yet, googling the words "online relationship" or "deeper online relationships", or even "deepening relationships online" each yield results almost entirely devoted to attracting new dating partners or business customers, rather than actually deepening existing relationships.

Fortunately a few greater minds have broached the topic in their blogs.

Gideon Rosenblatt, former Executive Director of ONE/Northwest and expert in CRM tools, offers insight to relationship building in business in his blog Alchemy of Change, saying

"[How] do we integrate the strategies for cultivating lots of weak ties with our strategies for deepening relationships?  When it comes to social change, the problem with online social networking tools has less to do with the tools themselves – and more to do with how organizations fail to connect their social network organizing with their efforts to deepen their relationships with people… deep relationships don’t just appear magically out of thin air. They need to be cultivated over time with thoughtful and deliberate organizational effort and they need to be fed by influxes of new people, which is precisely where online social networks like Twitter and Facebook can play an important role."

And yet, it is those social networks - in their current state - that are adding to our angst.  Christopher Allen, in his Blog A Life With Alacrity, helps define the problem of having too many relationships to manage, saying "social networks can become too large, and many social networking services are causing the problem rather than solving it."  He goes on to suggest that perhaps a "cultural strategy for managing excessive relationships is prioritization. I could prioritize my relationships and focus only on the 100+ or so that might be the most useful to me."  And yet he admits this is not a satisfying solution since this would risk "offending people forever by excluding them today."

I've seen little evidence of social networking tools being designed or used to help cure the problem of weakening relationships.  I hope that this points to the immature state of these as communication tools, rather than a tragic flaw in the technology or a lack of desire for meaningful relationships in today's culture.  I'm inclined to believe that human intention and focus, rather than technical solutions, are what must be better employed by us all to solve this problem.

As for our current state of affairs, I'm inclined to agree with blogger Mark Schaefer:

"The days of conducting business based on these deep relationships is largely over I think — relationships that were built on a golf course, a boat, long dinner conversations — not text messages, online help functions, and customer service tweets. 

Ten years ago, if you had a business crisis, you could probably count on those deep relationships to help pull you through, at least to a certain extent. Today, and especially after the recession, people just don’t have time for relationship-building.  I can’t imagine inviting a customer to a weekend of golfing any more.  Everybody is doing what used to be three jobs. Who has the time for building business friendships? 

Maybe there will be backlash and a re-focusing on deep relationships at some point. 

 There was recently a story about tech start-ups scrambling for office space near Twitter because of the live networking opportunities.  Kind of ironic.  Seeking deeper offline relationships with people dedicated to spreading low-impact online relationships."

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